Friday 13 February 2015

Apologising to Companies

I think most of us will agree that social media is a great addition to our lives. Thousands of people moan about television programs in unison, discuss a common love, or try to make their mundane life sound a lot more exciting. For companies, it's a brilliant tool, as it allows them to connect with their customers individually, and making themselves seem a lot more human than they otherwise did.

However, for companies, it is also something which allows their customers to rant at them directly, about a personal gripe they have. I've done this many-a-time. I've moaned to BT about their customer service, and how long they made me wait to be connected up to their service. I've got employees of a local The Range store in trouble, for closing early without reason. Over Christmas, I told UberSocial that I had grown weary of their in-app advertising, and was therefore uninstalling them. Yesterday, I told my bank that their website was spam-ridden.

What was I to think? I had spent the morning perusing social media without issue. Then, as soon as I went onto their website, I was swamped by spam advertisement, which meant whatever I clicked on, I was taken to unwanted websites. I refreshed, and the website had been blocked. So, I took to social media, and told them my thoughts.

While I waited for a reply, I did some investigation. Google started coming up with unusual results. I then tried Halifax and Nationwide websites, and they too seemed to be infected. Then I went onto this blog. This too was 'infected'. So, the same hackers who had targeted the big banking websites, were also infiltrating my little blog, in the corner of the internet. That seemed slightly implausible, and the likelihood was that the issue was actually me end. Then Lloyds Bank Tweeted me back, trying to resolve my issue. I had to grovel.

Never before have I apologised to a company, and it never actually occurred to me that I ever would. It's a strange result of this immediate and social world we live in. Thanks to social media, we can call a company up on its mistakes. But we can be wrong too, and thus, incidents like this happen. Thankfully, they were good about the charade, and I went quiet.
It turned out that malware had sneaked its way onto my computer, and had proceeded to spread itself about. It's called Positive Finds, and when I downloaded something a few days earlier, it was obviously sellotaped onto it. However, it wasn't just as simple as uninstalling the program, and it was corrupting the system restore. A quick Google, on an uninfected device, told me that it was stubborn, and I needed to install something to remove it. So, I took to my laptop again, typed in the link, and pressed download.

The clever malware had over-ridden my choice, and proceeded to download something else. Thankfully, I noticed in time. So, after some considerable effort trying find a work-around, I finally did it. Internet Explorer was safe. Google Chrome though, was still infected, and the malware was hidden somewhere amongst the program files. An uninstall and reinstall later, and now I'm finally free.

After a little bit of research, it's an interesting piece of malware. Its purpose isn't to steal your money, or to destroy your personal files. It is purely to make itself money. Every time one of the advertisements is clicked, it is paid money by the recipient of the extra visitor. For example, BET123 are paying them money, to get their website more views. But, of course, they are also paid money to send people to a link, which automatically downloads a virus. I was attacked by four Trojans.

Social media is a beautiful baby of the Internet. The Internet has resulted in a lot of good since its' own conception. However, the Internet is getting a more dangerous place to reside, as we are all aware. Only a few weeks ago, I was on a council website, and when I downloaded a seemingly safe file, I again had a Trojan hurtling towards me. It's worrying, and incredibly scary. Both my parents and girlfriend have been victims of ransom viruses, which try to blackmail you into giving money. This only going to get worse.

So, what are my final thoughts? Be careful what you download, and think everything through before you start to mouth-off at worldwide, corporate company.

Don’t have nightmares.

Tuesday 3 February 2015

Mark Watson - Flaws


In 2011 I went and saw Mark Watson live. You can read the review here if you want. I loved it. He was a break from the normal stand-up. Most will have a lesser-known stand up perform half an hour of material, before an interval and then the main event. The comedian then slips off, comes back on stage, and then disappears after receiving a few more laughs. Mark Watson does none of that, and it's brilliant. One could be mistaken for thinking he has no clue what is going on; but I think it's more a demonstration that he knows better than most comedians, what is happening.

On Sunday, I went and saw him again at The Gulbenkian, Canterbury, and it was very much a similar format to when I saw him on his 'Request Routes' tour. Not much has changed, apart from having slightly more facial hair, being spectacleless, and less Welsh.

'Flaws' has no definable beginning. Last time he began by speaking to the audience via typing on a laptop screen. This time he came on stage and began jogging on a treadmill, of which a microphone stand placed conveniently in front. This, as he put it, was his warm up. He chatted to the audience, and made general observations about the audience for nearly 10 minutes. He then walked off stage before immediately reappearing and commencing the show.

He is incredibly endearing, and it's hard to not fall in love with him, just a little bit. His body language is always relaxed, and does everything he can to break down the barrier between him and his audience, such as holding the microphone low. Another technique, and perhaps a more sinister one, is looking up members of the audience on Twitter. The amount he knew one member of the audience, such as televisual habits and pets, is a scary reminder of the times we live.

As always, his comedy comes from his real life. To reuse a sentence from my last review of Watson, 'He is very much the raconteur'. However, unlike last time, this was much more personal. In this tour, unsurprisingly, he talks about the flaws which have obviously, over the past year or so, made themselves apparent to him. He shows that there is a faint line between comedy and tragedy, as his main topics for discussion cover his reliance on drink ("If only there was a word like workaholic that describes drinking too much alcohol"), and hating, and losing confidence in, his own work. It then made me look at his 2011 tour in a different, darker, and unexpected light, as the veil was lifted.

But don't be thinking that this is a serious and dark show, because it is quite the opposite. He is refreshingly honest, but perhaps only showing the funny side of his problems. It is isn't until afterwards that you actually realise how frank he was. At the time, it is incredibly funny. Particularly when he opens up about his breaking point, which was at a Thomas the Tank Engine film premier with his toddler.

In a unique twist, he recreates the moment for the audience, for a quick moment of audience participation, props and music. You sit there in awe of what nightmare he has created in just a few moments, and it had the audience in fits of laughter. However, like always with a Canterbury audience, it's hard work for a comedian to get the audience to participate.

The show consists of a lot more than just chronicling his despair from the past year or so, as many of those themes are broken up by tangents about songs, his 'personal' relationship with Madonna, and irritation at Keep Calm merchandise. It is put together beautifully. And unlike a lot comedy shows, it has final message, which is quite enlightening and optimistic; "Being human is bloody hard" but, to paraphrase, we can find comfort in remembering that we're better than cats and worms. And then after checking the time with an audience member like he seems to always do, he did his usual self-promotional admin before leaving the stage.

I certainly hope I get the opportunity to see him next time he tours (not that he has even finished this tour yet), as I find real joy in seeing him live. He has become like a friend, and I probably know more about him than I do most of my friends. The one qualm with this show was that, despite still consisting of over 90 minutes of material, it didn't feel long enough. And if that's the only negative point I can think of, then it isn't bad going.


The last stand up show I went to see was at The O2, and coming back to this few-hundred seater, I appreciate it's intimacy a lot more. Comedy just isn't the same in those places and you can never beat a small, local theatre. And if you can see a brilliant comedian like Mark Watson at one, then you can't wish for anything better.